The Beach! The Waves! The Countdown to the End of Life as We Know It!
by The Drifter
Summary: Our favourite girls spend a week at Haruka and Michiru's fabulous private beach villa. Swimsuits, volleyball and hijinx ensue. Will Ami and Minako survive? A Drifter Original Beach Filler episode. [MakoAmi, Reinako and HxM pairings as per usual]


**The Beach! The Waves! The Countdown to the End of Life as We Know It!**

A Drifter Original Beach Filler Episode.

* * *

 _7 days ago_

As stories so often begin, it was a dark and stormy night. The rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in Tokyo that our scene lies). Thunder flashed, briefly illuminating two shadowy figures in conference below.

"So it's happening?" Second thoughts needed to be expressed now, or forever held in peace. "We're in this together?"

"Yes." The reply came decisively. "After what Ami did to my face, I deserve some vengeance. We'll get them. Both of them. Next week, when they are away from home. They'll be more vulnerable on unfamiliar ground."

"I don't know if I can do this... but you're right. It is the only way. We have no choice. Those two have to be stopped."

"Yes! Exactly! They've gone too far. Follow the plan. Everything will work out just like I told you."

"You really think this will work?"

"It will. I'm sure of it. We have the element of surprise, and don't forget, we've got help. Inside help."

"Really? So she agreed to it after all... I'll admit, I'm surprised."

"Some people just like to watch the world burn, I suspect. Don't worry. We'll end this madness once and for all. By the time we're done, Ami and Minako will know beyond a shadow of a doubt who's boss."

A nod passed between the two, signalling an unbreakable pact sealed on sacred ground.

So it was decided. Next week was going to be an interesting week...

* * *

 _6 days ago_

Ami carefully folded her surf suit into the duffle bag. It wouldn't do to snag the neoprene on the zipper, especially not with a new suit that she hadn't had a chance to even wear yet.

There. That should be the last item. Everything else was packed. Ami ran through her mental checklist: Clothes, underwear, toiletries, sunglasses, sunscreen, towels, her favourite diving mask... yes... this should be everything.

It was so kind of Haruka and Michiru to invite everyone over for a girls' week at their private beach villa. Ami privately suspected they were empty-nesting a bit with Hotaru off at summer camp, but she wasn't going look a gift horse in the mouth. Spending a week at the beach with all her friends sounded amazing.

Hmm... Everyone was going to be there. Ami tossed a package of balloons and a box of baking soda into her bag - just in case. If "そなえよつねに" wasn't her personal motto, then it ought to be.

She was wavering back and forth on bringing her rubber snake when Makoto interrupted with a question. "Hey, Ami? Does this dress make me look fat?"

Ami rolled her eyes. Other people might find this a dangerously loaded question, but Ami had no trouble with it. Makoto was a blessed vision in her gauzy flower-checked sundress.

"Mako, dear, is that a trick question? You're beautiful, as always."

"Really? I feel kind of heavy." Makoto readjusted her top. "You're sure?"

Of course she was sure, but Ami was happy for any excuse to just look at Makoto. Long toned legs, deliciously curvy hips... her gaze continued upwards before screeching to a halt.

Ami grinned. Yes, she was damned sure. If that smile didn't get her message across, then the flush in her cheeks certainly did. Makoto laughed and gave her a quick peck on the cheek as she brushed past Ami on her way out of the bedroom.

"Well, in that case, quit your staring and let's go already!" Makoto scooped up all their luggage in one shot. "I don't want to get stuck in traffic on the highway."

"Coming!" Ami made a quick decision. "I'll be right there, Mako!" The rubber snake got shoved into a side pocket. Ami zipped up her luggage then ran out the door behind her girlfriend.

This should turn out to be a very interesting week indeed...

* * *

 _5 days ago_

Ami lifted her face to the sun and the ocean breeze. The crashing of the waves did much to unwind her from the stress of her day-to-day life as a surgical resident back in Tokyo.

Out in the bay, Michiru skimmed over the water. For one absurd moment, Ami saw her in a standing in a golden chariot, regal and poised, gliding over the white salt spray of her domain. Ami watched in awe. Michiru had had that effect on her since the day they met, but really, watching Michiru surf was essentially watching a goddess in her element.

Awesome was the only way to describe what she was seeing.

It was at Michiru's insistence that she'd taken a turn at surfing as well. They'd headed out into the water at the crack of dawn. Michiru had shown her how to paddle and how to pop up on the board. She had been on her own when it came to actually riding the wave, however. Michiru had been unwilling or, more likely, unable to give specific instructions on how to do that. How does one teach the action of a beating heart? Reading the ebb and flow of the ocean came to Michiru as naturally as breathing. Ami had kept up as best she could. She had wiped out wiped out more than a few times, but eventually, she had managed to ride a few waves herself. It was the most interesting experience. The physics, for one thing, were absolutely fascinating. She had read a good book about surfing in preparation last week, but that didn't really compare to the actual feeling of being at the mercy of the ocean. Ami wasn't sure if she liked it, but it was undeniably thrilling.

"Oi! Ami-chan! There you are!" Minako's voice drifted up to the rocks where Ami was sitting. "Makoto sent me out to look for you. Breakfast is almost ready."

Ami jumped, embarrassed about being caught daydreaming again. Minako clambered up onto the rocks and joined Ami where she was sitting.

"Good morning, Minako-chan. Sleep well?"

"Like a rock, as in 'if you hear the bed a-rockin, don't come a-knockin'." Minako winked. "Yeah, no, seriously. Super comfortable mattress. Michiru sure does keep a swanky guesthouse, eh? This is the life! A gal could sure get used to this!"

Ami smirked, remembering how late Minako and Rei had arrived last night.

"Should have gotten here on time, then. You missed the champagne and caviar at dinner last night." She winked at Minako teasingly. "But, yeah, seriously, I was getting worried when you guys didn't turn up by 9:30. Hit traffic or something?

"Nah, Rei just had to stop like every half hour to pee. It's ridiculous. No arguing with her though. She's been crazy mood-swingy all week. Even by her standards." Minako mouthed the letters 'P.M.S.' silently.

Ami winced in sympathy. "Poor Rei. Have her come see me if it becomes a problem for her, will you? I know she's always had kind of rough periods."

"I'll pass that along, Doc. So, what are you doing brooding by yourself up here? You're on vacation! You're supposed to come have fun with us!"

"Don't worry. I'm just relaxing. Been out on the water since dawn with Michiru."

"Is that her out there, right now?" Minako pointed out over the water. "Wow... so beautiful..."

They watched Michiru soar into the air over a particularly large wave, her silhouette cut dramatically against the morning sun.

"Yup, that's her. She's teaching me to surf. Haruka offered to do a group lesson later if you guys were interested, by the way."

"That. Is. Awesome! I have to try that later. It looks so cool. Totally digging the surfer look on you, too, by the way! Cute wetsuit."

Ami turned pink at the compliment. "Thank you. You too! Err, your swimsuit I mean. I've never seen it before. Is it new?"

"Yup! You're all in luck. I will be debuting several new swimsuits this week."

Ami sputtered.

"You bought 7 new swimsuits!? How did you have time for that much shopping? Haruka and Michiru only invited us up here a month ago?"

"Sacrifices must be made for the important things in life. It's hard being this beautiful. Gaze upon my beauty and despair."

Minako gestured down at her outfit. The orange material left just enough to the imagination. A white accent line took the eye where it needed to go. Ami admired the swimsuit obligingly.

"It is very nice, Minako-chan. Where did you get it?"

"Silly Ami-chan. A girl never divulges her sources. Where did you get yours?"

Ami shrugged. "I have no idea. To be honest, I didn't pick out this suit. Michiru just had it sent over to my house one day." She picked at the sleeves, slightly embarrassed that someone else was doing her shopping for her at this age. "She chose a shorty rather than the full suit like I would have. I'm glad she did. Checked the weather reports yesterday and it looks to be at least 30 degrees for the next few days. It's a hot week for a beach vacation."

"Uh huh...uh huh...a-yup. That's very interesting. OH MY GOD! WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR LEG?"

Ami looked down quickly. There was something on her leg. Right above below the cut off line of her surf suit on her thigh...

It was a giant spider. The biggest one she'd ever seen. Black and hairy and...

"AIIIIIIIIEEE!"

* * *

 _4 days ago_

It was almost time for lunch. Usagi's mouth watered. She could see Makoto on top of the sand dune working her magic on the barbecue. Ami was with her, busy slicing fruits and vegetables. Usagi felt bad about not helping, but Makoto had basically exiled her and Minako here to the beach blanket. They were completely, absolutely 100% not to set foot off of the gigantic pink square until lunch was ready.

Her stomach rumbled. Lunch had to be ready soon!

For the time being, she kept herself busy braiding Setsuna's long silky hair. A deep breath brought the scent of coconut to her nose. It cut sweetly through the hunger-inducing barbecue smoke. It was either Setsuna's conditioner or her sun lotion. Usagi made a mental note to ask about it later. Setsuna looked too relaxed right now to bother her with silly questions.

Usagi loved every moment of this, even if she was kind of hungry.

It so rare to get the opportunity to spend some time with Setsuna. And not just Setsuna - everyone was here! It was hard to get together, nowadays. All her friends had such busy lives. It was a real treat seeing everyone together like this. While it was a shame that Mamoru couldn't get any time off work, it was nice to have a just-girls vacation. Even Rei was all mellow. She looked totally relaxed stretched out under the shade of a giant beach umbrella. Minako lay in the sun beside her, working on her tan.

Somehow, Minako made tanning look like a high-energy activity. Her feet swished back and forth, causing the big straw hat on her face to flop about. Between that and the speed with which Minako was chattering away, it was a miracle that the hat didn't fall into the sand. It muffled her voice a bit, but that wasn't a big deal. Usagi had already heard the story yesterday.

"...so then Ami totally freaks out. She screams like a banshee and takes off running. Mako appears out of nowhere with a frying pan just looking for something to hit. It was freaking hilarious!" One of Minako's arms unfolded out from beneath her head and reached blindly into a nearby tote bag. After a moment, the rubber spider that was the star of her story was sent flying through the air. "Here. Check it out. Is this thing realistic or what?"

"Ewww! Gross!" Minako's throw was a little short. The spider bounced off of Setsuna's head before it landed next to Usagi. She poked it hesitantly. The 8 legs bounced up and down in a surprisingly lively manner. "Hey awesome! It wiggles!"

Rei snorted without looking up from her magazine. "You do realize Ami's going be coming after you for revenge now? You guys are so immature."

Usagi couldn't her see her face but she just knew Rei was rolling her eyes.

"Hey! Come on! I'd like to see her try! She's away from home. That means away from all her fancy gadgets and her little chemistry set. I'm totally safe here." Minako kept talking, her straw hat keeping her blissfully unaware of the shadow had fallen over her. "...don't get me wrong. Ami's good. I'm super proud of that big blue boffin, but she's out of her league. I'm Aino Minako- the Queen of Pranks, Practical Joker Extraordinaire!"

Setsuna looked on with a vaguely amused smile. Rei sighed audibly. Usagi clapped a hand to her mouth, stifling a giggle as Ami silently hovered over the oblivious Minako.

"BOO!"

"EEK!" Minako shrieked. Usagi fell over laughing, shoved out of the way as Minako scrambled behind Rei for protection. Her friends were sooooo ridiculous. Ami was laughing heartily as well. Usagi always loved it when she did that. Ami was amazingly cute when she laughed.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Minako-chan. Couldn't resist. You okay there, Usagi-chan?" Ami flashed an apologetic grin and offered a hand to help Usagi up. "Anyways, I came to let you guys know the food's almost ready – Oh right! I checked: sorry, we ran out of relish, Rei-chan. There's still lots of pickles though. I cut extra for you. They're on the tray."

"Thanks, Ami-chan, I appreciate it. Just got a weird craving all of a sudden. I've been in the mood for sour stuff all week for some reason."

Ami apologized again then smiled her sweet Ami smile. She held a paper plate out to Minako. "Here, Mako said this veggie burger is for you. Brought you the ketchup too." She placed the bottle on the ground where Minako had been sitting a few seconds earlier.

"Well, that's my cue to exit." Setsuna stood up quickly. "I'll go get Haruka and Michiru from the house. I assume Haruka's burger is done as well?"

"You assume correctly." A quick nod passed between Ami and Setsuna. Usagi was about to ask about it when Ami waved her plate of food about again. "Come on out, Minako-chan. Hurry up and take your burger. I've go back and get the rest of the food while it's still hot. You know how Mako gets when people mess up her timing."

Minako peered out from her hiding spot with a nervous chuckle. "So... you heard all that?"

"Maybe. Maybe not." Ami shrugged noncommittally. "Anyways, I'll be right back with Mako and the rest of the food. Then we can all eat. Hmmm... actually, Usagi-chan, we could use a hand with the drinks. If you don't mind?"

"Of course not! Just tell me what to do!" Usagi scrambled up and followed Ami back to the barbecue area. Halfway up the sand dune, Ami grabbed her arm and pulled her in for an impromptu hug. Usagi almost lost her balance, but Ami held her upright.

So... Ami was in a playful mood. Usagi giggled. Something was going on. Ami was practically buzzing with anticipation right now.

"Ami-chan... you're up to something aren't you?" Usagi leaned in, curious to see what's gotten her normally calm and steady friend so excited.

"Hang on..." Ami whispered in her ear. "Wait for it... wait for it... any second now."

BANG

"AHHHHH!"

Usagi jumped at the sudden popping sound. She spun around. Rei and Minako were covered in a gory, red spatter. It was everywhere...

It was...

It was...

KETCHUP?!

"BWAHAHA! YES!" Ami cheered. "Baking soda in the ketchup bottle!" she gasped out between chortles. "Classic! Oh, Minako...it's so thrilling to have a rival. She might be the 'Queen of Pranks', but I'm Mizuno Ami. I won't back down. There is no way I am losing this prank war."

Usagi took another look at Rei and Minako back on the beach blanket. Minako looked like a giant french fry while Rei was positively fuming. Usagi burst out laughing. Rei always looked good in red, right?

This was awesome! Best vacation ever!

Usagi couldn't wait to see what happened next...

* * *

 _3 days ago_

13 to 13. The next point was critical.

Haruka grinned, caught up in the strange anticipation of the moment. She'd always loved a good bit of sport and physical exertion. Volleyball against Rei and Minako - now that got the heart pumping overtime. Playing with the girls felt so good. It was so hard to find quality competition these days.

She looked back at her team mate, ready to spring into action the second Makoto let the ball fly. Makoto spun the volleyball in her hand. Once. Twice. Thrice - slowly working herself up to the actual serve itself. Haruka thought she looked a bit nervous. She winked at Makoto. Hopefully, that came across as reassuring and not flirtatious the way it normally did - not that there was anything wrong with that. Makoto was cute, but she was very very taken. Ami seemed the possessive sort...and Michiru...

Haruka gulped. No sense in thinking nonsense. She turned her attention back to the game. Makoto swung her arm at long last.

 _thwap_

The volleyball shot up like a rocket.

"Crap!"

Haruka tracked the ball high into the infinite blue. She could hear Makoto cursing behind her – little grunts of "shit" and "fuck". That was clearly not what she had in mind. Still, it was a damn impressive serve. Tricky even. The volleyball disappeared into the glaring sun. Let's see Rei and Minako deal with that.

"SKY BALL!" Rei called out. "Mine! Ready up front, Minako!"

"All yours, hot stuff!"

The ball finally came back down to earth. Rei bumped it up exactly she said she would.

"Here I go!" Minako jumped high, arm cocked back and ready to strike. "V... ULTIMATE STRIKE!"

Haruka tensed, ready to take whatever heat Minako could dish out. Wouldn't be the first time Minako had tried to score by simply shoving the ball down their throats. She waved Makoto back, anticipating a scorcher down the middle.

KUSO! TRAP!

Minako barely touched the ball. It was a little love tap. The ball hung in the air for half a heartbeat before it tumbled over the net in slow motion. Haruka dove forward in a desperate attempt to get under it.

No good.

The ball hit the ground just ahead of Haruka's outstretched fingers. She got nothing but a gritty facial for her efforts.

"WHOO! Victory!" Minako bounced around, kicking even more sand into the air. "Nice try, Haruka-san, but GOTCHA!" She reached down with a friendly hand. Haruka took it and pulled herself up. A sportsman-like slap on the butt immediately followed the sportsman-like hand up. Haruka's eyebrows shot up at the familiar contact.

Makoto jogged up, a sheepish grin on her face. "Dang. Sorry about that. Bad serve."

Haruka bounced on her heels "Nah, don't worry about it. We'll get it back, right? Let's go!" She slapped her palms against Makoto's. Up high, down low. Haruka passed on the butt slap Minako gave her for good measure. That ought to psych Makoto up for the match point.

ding ding

A delicate chime interrupted their little ritual. Ami rolled into view on the boardwalk above astride one of the guest bicycles. "Ahoy there!" Ami called down to the beach. "I'm heading into town to get a new bottle of ketchup. Is there anything else we need while I'm out?"

"PEANUT BUTTER!" Makoto yelled back. "And a jar of olives if they have!"

Ami gave Makoto a wierd look as she nodded in acknowledgement. Haruka squinted a little against the sun. Was it her imagination, or was there something on Ami's face? Was she wearing a mask for some reason? No, that wasn't a shadow. There really were two black rings drawn around Ami's eyes.

"Hey, Ami-chan, you got something on – ack!" Haruka was cut off by Minako jumping on her from behind.

"NO! NO! We're all good here!" Haruka winced. On top of squeezing her arm, Minako was practically yelling in her ear. "It's cool! You don't want to stay and watch the rest of the game?"

Ami cast a decidedly impure look at Makoto - a look that would have made her a dead ringer for Michiru had Ami not resembled a raccoon at the moment. "Tempting, very tempting, but I want to be there and back before sundown." Ami kicked off and pedalled away "See you later! Play safe!" Haruka watched Ami roll off into the distance. As soon as Ami was out of earshot, Minako started laughing like a maniac.

"So..." Haruka raised an eyebrow. "Anyone want to fill me in on what just happened?"

Rei was shaking her head in resignation. Makoto merely gave her a long suffering 'not getting involved' look. Minako however, was babbling at the speed of sound.

"WHOO! Damn! That's some impressive make up, isn't it? Waterproof mascara on her diving goggles! Remind me to thank Michiru for the recommendation later. Ami doesn't have a clue!" Minako threw her arms in the air, flush with victory. "Hahaha! And now she's going to ride into town like that! This went better than I expected! "

"You got it." Haruka chuckled and patted the over-excited Minako on the back. Michiru was right as usual, this was going to be an entertaining week. Hopefully, the beach house would still be standing by the time Ami and Minako were done with each other...

* * *

 _2 days ago_

Minako woke up feeling on top of the world. The sun was shining and the seagulls were cawing. There was nothing on the agenda today but to be gorgeous and have fun. The weather was perfect for an epic photoshoot. She had just the swimsuit for it, too. The blue one would make the colour of her eyes pop. Then again, the red two-piece showed off more of that tan she'd been working so hard on all week...

Decisions, decisions.

She rolled out of bed, excited to get started. She went through her morning beauty routine. Hot facecloth, exfoliating face wash, cold rinse, moisturizer, fifty strokes of the hairbrush...and now for the finishing touch. Minako reached for her hair ribbon.

Wait. Weird. Where was it? She was sure she left it by the windowsill to dry last night... except, it wasn't there now. There was only a small white card.

A small white card with an ink sketch of a horse's head.

Oh crap...

Minako picked up the card with a mounting sense of dread. She turned it over and squinted at the back. It was filled with words and numbers and... yup. She knew this handwriting. Neat, precise and evenly spaced – all the telltale signs of a mad genius. Ami had managed to cram so many words onto the tiny card that it looked like a personal fun-sized serial killer wall of death.

 _My Dear Minako,_

 _"We 8 walk forward, never back, to protect our king from foe's attack."_

 _Find us, find your hair ribbon._

 _That, or simply find me and say the words 'I, Aino Minako, officially declare Mizuno Ami as the undisputed winner of this prank war from now unto eternity." Either way works._

 _Your move._

 _xoxo,_  
 _-Ami._

 _P.S. I am reminded of an old German phrase: "Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward; they may be beaten, but they may start a winning game."_

 _I'll not trouble you with the original context or translation notes - my point is that I look forward to seeing where this game takes us. Do you think you are playing a winning game here my friend?_

 _P.P.S. - sum=n(n+1)(2n+1)/6. That will help you with the password to the 8th and final riddle. You'll understand when you get there. Don't say I don't love you. Enjoy!_

Bloody hell! Ami was going to make her do _math_ while on vacation? EVIL! Minako stalked off in search of the first piece of the puzzle. As God is her witness, she will not lose!

Game on Ami-chan...game freaking ON!

* * *

 _Yesterday night_

It was the middle of the night. Just a few seconds past 3:26am to be exact.

Setsuna crept downstairs, taking care not to wake anyone else up. She opened the fridge, stopping for a moment to enjoy the cool air blowing through the portal. So many options... there had to be a good midnight snack in here somewhere. Ah, there it was. A whole box of sandwiches - cucumber sandwiches! Nice and cooling. Perfect on a hot night like tonight. No one would ever miss one right? Setsuna grinned and helped herself to a wedge.

Then she stopped.

Cucumber sandwiches. That was Ami's favourite wasn't it? Setsuna gave the sandwich a suspicious sniff. Yup, sure enough, the normally mild sandwich was laced with enough hot sauce to burn the house down. Setsuna sighed put the sandwich back where she found it. Looks like she'd have to settle for some bits of leftover watermelon instead. With any luck, there were still some chunks that weren't too smashed up or covered in sand from this afternoon's picnic on the beach...

* * *

 _Earlier this evening_

"...and so, buried alive with no hope for the future, the woman invited the demons into her soul. The sea might come and drown her mortal body, but she was free at last. From that day onward, she became the Demon-Witch of the coast, ever seeking to replace the life she once had inside."

Her final words faded away, gracefully giving way to the crackle of the burning bonfire. Michiru looked around at her captive audience. They sat spellbound in a stunned silence. Michiru savoured the moment as she always did. Whether a concert in a packed auditorium, or simply telling ghost stories on a beach with her closest friends, a show was a show. There was no better feeling in the world. She bowed, signifying the end of the show and releasing the girls from her thrall.

Still no one said anything. With one notable exception, everyone looked terrified. Now if only she could get some kind of reaction from Setsuna, her life would be complete.

"S-s-so we're safe right?" Minako was first to regain her voice. "The demon-witch isn't coming for us?"

Michiru shook her head at normally fearless leader of the inner senshi. The way she was clinging onto Rei's arm was utterly adorable. "According to legend, she is only attracted to pregnant women. We should be safe enough." Michiru smiled lightly. "Unless one of us here has big news?"

Six sets of eyes turned to glare at Usagi.

"AIIIEEE. Don't look at me like that!" Usagi hung off of Rei's other arm. "It's not my fault if the demon-witch gets us!"

"U-SA-GI! Leggo! You're cutting off my circulation!" Rei tried to shake Usagi off. Michiru couldn't help but notice that it was a half-hearted effort at best. She considered making a pithy comment about it but decided not to embarrass the girls too much.

Then again… she was only human. And on vacation to boot.

"Perhaps you should tickle her." Michiru allowed herself a tiny indulgence. "That usually works when I need to pry Haruka off after she overestimates her tolerance for horror movies."

The scandalized protests from both Usagi and Haruka were worth the price of admission. Rei took her advice and tried to tickle Usagi – a difficult task given the way Minako was still holding on to her other arm. The end result was the three girls falling backwards off the log they were sitting on. There was a mad scramble as the girls broke out in a tickle fight.

Michiru giggled and took advantage of the chaos to launch a sneak attack. She poked Haruka right under the ribs where she was secretly ticklish. Her startled love yelped and pitched forward, accidentally knocking Setsuna off balance. Two more bodies joined the pileup in the sand.

It was a messy tangle of limbs and laughter. When the senshi sandstorm settled, Michiru found herself sitting alone above the fray. Rei caught her attention. There was a most curious gleam in her eye though her expression was otherwise neutral. Michiru raised an eyebrow, wondering what her fellow psychic was thinking.

"So, Michiru-san, I was wondering..." Rei pulled herself back onto her sitting log. "It's probably a weird coincidence, but what prompted you to choose that story in particular? I had the strangest dream about being pregnant the other day."

"Hmm, really? Fascinating. Tell me more."

"Not much to say, just felt a spark, then a vague image of children running around with Senshi powers. There was a little brown haired girl holding a frozen camera, and a blonde girl who somehow felt right."

"Really?" Makoto shouted, blunt as ever. "You had a vision? Maybe it's of the future. Think it's a warning?"

"What? No, no. If it were, I would have mentioned it sooner. This was a nice dream. Definitely a warm feeling. They kind of felt like us, just all mixed up together."

"Odd, I've seen something very similar in my mirror as of late." Michiru nodded with gravitas appropriate to the subject matter. "Two crystalline lights merging, then a third light forming from that union. You may interpret that how you will."

"So what, we can get pregnant by bumping starseeds?" Minako snorted "If that were true, you and Haruka would already be up to your ears in little teal-headed kids running around flirting with everything that moves. Hotaru would have a whole baseball team's worth of siblings by now."

"But still... could you imagine?" A look of wonder crossed Ami's face before quickly being replaced by confusion. "I mean, does that imply that our DNA is coded in our starseeds or something? How does that make any sense?"

Michiru shrugged. "We've witnessed more than one miracle in this lifetime. Could you honestly say that you don't believe in magic at this point in your life, Ami-chan?"

Everyone around the campfire fell silent. Michiru smiled. It was some interesting food for thought. She reached out and took Haruka's hand. Between her, Hotaru and Setsuna, she'd seen all the miracles she'd ever wanted.

Michiru definitely believed in magic.

* * *

 _Zero Hour_

"There must be some kind of way outta here" Minako blinked in confusion. "This is a little much don't you think?" She rattled on the doorknob again. Outside, Rei growled, and held the door firmly closed.

"No reason to get excited." Ami said kindly. "I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought this was a good practical joke. We've been through this before. They'll let us out eventually."

Haruka's howling laughter could be heard in the distance.

Minako looked around at the fake snow that covered the entire bathroom.

"How the bloody hell did you pull this off?"

Ami grinned, proud of her concept, yet somewhat sheepish about the execution. "Baking soda and shaving cream in the ventilation system. The trigger was rigged to the fan. Michiru gave me permission to rewire it a little bit. It was supposed to go off when the fan turned on during your usual late night shower." A glob of white powder fell from the ceiling and landed with a splat. "I may have over done it a bit."

"Niiiiiice. That would have been epic if it didn't go off early. Just how much shaving cream did you bring for this prank, anyways?"

"None specifically. This was a spur of the moment thing. I only had my own, so I had to improvise. I may have ah... borrowed everyone's when inspiration struck."

"Borrowed without asking?" Minako laughed threw a puff of white powder into Ami's face. "Thief."

"Says the joker who started this prank war." Ami laughed and used her broom to kick up a spray of 'snow' back in self-defense. "Nice of Mako to toss this in with us." She waved the broom again. "I guess we should start cleaning this up? It's getting late."

"Pass me that broom. You hit them high, I got them low."

"O Captain, my Captain!" Ami snapped a crisp salute. "Just like old times."

They got to work without the need for further discussion. Ami chuckled, thinking back to that year she spent as Minako's roommate. They certainly cleaned up their fair share of messes back then. That experience was paying off today. Good thing, too. The volume of the fake snow she'd set off in the bathroom was far greater than she'd expected. She looked up, wondering how the heck was she going to dust off the top of the light fixture.

A loud yelp startled her out of her strategic planning. "Holy shit! Ami-chan! Quick! Is this what I think it is?" Minako fished something out of the garbage can and held it aloft.

"That's a pregnancy test." Ami could just about see the little pink plus sign on the stick as Minako waved it about. "A positive one. Put that back! That's private medical information."

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Screw that privacy! Think about it for just a second! We're at Haruka and Michiru's beach house. What the hell is this doing here?"

Ami thought for the requested second. "Wait... that is weird... where exactly did you find that?"

"In the garbage can." There was a glint of panic in Minako's eyes. "Right on top. It's probably from today."

"...but we're the only ones who've been using the bathroom all week. You, me, Mako, Rei and Usagi." Ami considered all the possibilities. There was one obvious answer "You think maybe Usagi and Mamoru? It's a little early for Chibi-usa isn't it?"

Minako shook her head.

"No, Usagi was drinking wine earlier. I saw her. She'd never do that if she knew she was pregnant! I'm telling you it's -"

"Okay, okay! So not Usagi." Ami exhaled, trying hard to stay calm. "We need to look at all the evidence calmly and rationally. Who was the last person to use the bathroom?"

"Makoto." Mianko replied straight away. "She went to the bathroom before Michiru started the ghost story. I remember. She said she was feeling nauseous. "

"She said it was probably something she ate, though."

"Yeah, when was the last time Makoto gave herself food poisoning? Never? Just how busy have you two been lately?"

Ami snatched the pregnancy strip form Minako's hands and looked at it closely. It was definitely real, and definitely positive. "Are we seriously considering that Mako's pregnant? With MY baby? That's insane Minako-logic. I mean, come on! We're both women! This is scientifically impossible!"

"So, what is this, then? A figment of your imagination?" Minako pointed at little pink plus sign dramatically. "LOOK AT IT! Open those droopy eyes! It's right in front of you! Rei saw it in a dream or something! Starseeds! Love! IT'S REAL!"

"This is a prank, isn't it? Please tell me this is a prank of yours, Minako-chan?" Ami grasped at straws, trying to avoid the incredibly implausible yet not-totally-impossible conclusion she was coming to. "HEY! Wait a minute! It's not just Mako who uses this bathroom! What about Rei? She's been craving pickles non-stop all week!"

Minako's eyes widened. "Oh my gods..." she whispered "She's been cranky as hell too. She's only like that when her period's late."

Ami closed her eyes, reviewing every single detail of the week in her head. "You said she needed to use the bathroom a lot on the car ride here right? That's one of the early signs of pregnancy."

Minako opened her mouth, then snapped it shut. Her eyes widened as she slowly sat down on the ground.

Crap.

Minako was a good actress, but she wasn't this good. Minako was obviously just as shocked as she was. Nope, this wasn't a prank. Mako was pregnant. Or Rei, or both. Who knows? Life was just full of surprises. Ami laughed weakly. Mako had always wanted to start a family someday. That's some silver lining right there.

But still... a baby? An actual, real-live, miniature human being. A little innocent soul that was going to grow up and learn and live in this world. She was responsible for that. She and Mako... together.

Wow.

She slid down against the wall to sit next to Minako. Minako was still completely frozen in shock. Ami knew exactly how she felt.

And then, just when this day couldn't get any crazier, the door burst open. Rei and Mako - the potential mother of her child - stood in the door frame. Ami held up the pregnancy strip, silently asking the question that hung over her head like the dread Sword of Damocles. Mako scratched the back of her head somewhat bashfully. Ami heart rate jumped up to hitherto medically unheard of speeds. Mako's next words would determine the course of life as she knew it. She stared at Mako's lips, not wanting to miss a single syllable of what she was about to say.

"Errr... Gotcha?"

* * *

 _Zero + 5 minutes_

A flurry of conversation, some muffled swearing, two thumps, and then silence. They opened the bathroom door to find Ami and Minako huddled together in the corner. Looks like they fell for the magical conception prank hook, line and sinker.

"Errr... Gotcha?"

Makoto almost felt sorry for them.

Almost.

They'd started it, after all. This ridiculous prank war was getting out of hand. She and Rei were tired of getting caught in the crossfire.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Minako shrieked "What the actual hell!? You two set this up?!" she started laughing hysterically. "Oh My GODS! You totally had me there! High five!"

Makoto grinned apologetically as she returned Minako's high five. "Sorry, Minako-chan. You and Ami had this coming."

Ami looked up at the sound of her name and made an inquisitive whining noise. She looked like someone had betrayed her puppy or something. Rei took the liberty of answering the unspoken question.

"Because this stupid prank war needed to end! It was funny at first, but you two took it way too far!" Rei was warming up to a good patented Rei-style rant. "I swear, you and Minako are like this endless feedback loop of insanity! Makoto and I decided that the only way to stop you was to beat you at your own game."

Makoto nodded. "Yeah, Seriously. You guys been going back and forth all year. I keep expecting a pie in the face every time I open the door, or springing snakes in the mail box, or who knows what! It's really annoying! Thanks to you, Minako-chan, I had to explain what sex was to Shinozaki's kids the last time I was babysitting them!"

Minako raised her eyebrows. "Hey, I support proper sex education as much as anyone, but how was that my fault?"

"Remember that painting you gave Ami for her birthday? The kids saw it and just kept asking questions! Questions that I DID NOT want to answer."

Minako snickered. "I can't believe Ami fell for that" Minako burst out laughing again. "Oooooh, that was a good one. It's not my fault Dr. McWaistcoat here hung that in the living room. I guess abstract symbolism isn't for everyone."

"I really thought those were just flowers ok? They looked like flowers!" Ami huffed indignantly. "Ok, so we all know Minako had it coming, but what did I do?"

Given the way that Ami was still holding one hand dramatically over her heart, Makoto wondered if maybe, just maybe, she and Rei went too far. Ami had always had this pathological fear of having children. That's what inspired this whole 'lesbian pregnancy scare' prank in the first place. She hadn't expected Ami to actually fall for the stupidity, however. Maybe overestimating Ami was as bad as underestimating her.

Makoto felt sorry for her girlfriend – almost. If Minako was responsible for starting the prank war, then Ami was definitely responsible for escalating it. She decided to step back and let Rei answer the question. After all, Rei was the one who was the victim here.

"Well, let's see! You want a list? I have a list!" Rei absolutely wasted no time in airing her grievances. Makoto had no doubt such a list existed. Knowing Rei, it was probably existed in triplicate - with cross references to dates, times and collaborating witnesses "Let's start with that time you replaced all of Minako's high scores at the arcade. Minako was bitching non-stop for ages! We didn't go on a proper date for a month! Minako spent all her free time at the Crown until she had 'righted wrongs and triumphed over evil'. For crying out loud, she barely even did her laundry for weeks because she'd blown all her quarters!"

Ami held her hands up, the perfect picture of innocence. "Really, Rei-chan, you have no evidence that ties me to this mysterious A.M.I. person. I mean, who has that much time to waste at the arcade? Especially at our age, am I right Minako-chan?"

"You dipshit! I know it was you! Who else could it be?" Minako shot back. "Just you wait, I'll get you back..."

Makoto gave in to the urge to facepalm at the dynamic duo's antics.

"AHEM!" Rei coughed loudly, wrestling the conversation back from Minako's promise of revenge. She was turning an interesting shade of purple now. "Minako! Knock it off! Thank the spirits that I'm not actually pregnant because I already FEEL like I'm raising a child! And you, Mizuno! You want to play it like that? Fine! What about the incident 3 weeks ago? The Saturday after Usagi's birthday! Don't give me that innocent look! You know what I'm talking about! I had to explain to Grandpa why my face was BLUE for the sacred ceremony. That WASN'T Minako's moisturizer you put the dye in."

Ami's eyes widened. "It wasn't? Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I just saw the pump bottle on the nightstand and assumed..." She tilted her head, her curiosity overcoming her fear of fiery death-by-Rei, "Hey... if that wasn't moisturizer, then what was it?"

"Never you mind!" Rei snapped back just as Ami gasped in sudden realization. "The point is, we're are sick of being collateral damage in your little prank war. Mako and I? We win, and that's final. You two knock it off. Or else!"

Makoto joined Rei with her best intimidating glare. Ami and Minako wilted under their collective gaze. They hung their heads and spoke as one.

"Yes, dear..."

* * *

And so, endeth the epic Ami vs Minako Prank war.  
There was neither victory nor defeat, merely the realization that annoying one's girlfriend comes with a terrible, terrible cost.  
Have Ami and Minako learned their lesson? Probably not, but that, dear readers, is another story for another day.

Thank you, and goodnight.

-The Unseen Narrator (aka, The Drifter)

* * *

 _A.N._

 _I'm not sure what this story was about, or why I wrote it...but there you have it._

 _This was all originally set up for ch 15 my other story "5 Years and a Day" (a Mako/Ami romance slice of life), wherein Mako and Ami discuss having kids...the background/world building situation for that chapter got totally out of hand and turned into the Beach Filler Episode seen above. I guess I got a little caught up in the Ami & Minako Insanity Feedback Loop too. I love playing those two off of each other._

*selfpromption time* For reference, that throwaway line about Ami and Minako having been roommates for a year? That's my other story "Blue Fuku, White Collar". There are more wacky adventures of Ami and Minako if you find that you've enjoyed them here today.

 _Anyways! Beach Filler episode. Complete with Swimsuits, fanservice, questionably homoerotic beach volleyball, and characters being idiots._

 _Speaking of: I would like to take this opportunity to completely disavow Rei and Makoto's actions:_

 _ **Pregnancy pranks in real life are not funny and can totally backfire on a relationship.**_

 _In fact, regarding pranks in general: THINK before you act. Know your target, and above all. Do No Harm. It's only funny if no one gets (seriously) hurt. Aside from that, it's all fair game. Unleash your imagination!_

 _Soapbox out_  
 _-The Drifter._

 _P.S. Credit to where credit is due, the concept of "bumping Starseeds" originated with my friend Deyo-chan. Deyo's got a multi story series involving our gay senshi and their children. Lots of cuteness, family-oriented fluff and romance to be had for those of us interested in that sort of thing. Search for the author "Deyo-chan" right here on ff net!_

 _P.P.S. Because jokes cease to be funny the minute they are explained, I am going to have to explain this one. そなえよつねに as far as I know, should be a Japanese translation of the boy scout/girl guide motto: "Be Prepared". I have no idea why Google Translate interprets it as "Sorry Always". Quite frankly, that makes it even MORE appropriate (depending on one's personal interpretations of Ami anyways...)_

 _Yeah. I am now 90% sure that I'm the only one that finds this funny..._


End file.
